译聂鲁达：我愿你静静的
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我愿你静静的，仿佛不在身边
远远聆听但听不到我的声音
仿佛你明眸已飞逝
仿佛一吻封住了嘴唇
我的灵魂充溢于万物
你从充满我灵魂的事物中显现
你就象我的灵魂，一只梦想的蝴蝶
你就象这个单词：忧怨
我愿你静静的，就像在远方
在忧伤，好似蝴蝶发出咕咕的鸽鸣
远远聆听但听不到我的声音--
就让我静静进入你的宁静
让我用你的宁静和你交谈
这宁静明亮如灯，单纯如圆
你就像黑夜，满布星河与宁静
你静如恒星，遥远而天然
我愿你静静的，仿佛不在身边
仿佛远别怀着忧伤，仿佛辞别了人世
然后一句话，一个微笑就足够
让我欢喜，欢喜那一切都不真实
1. 初来，贴个翻译习作向各位诗友请教。
2. 这首诗原文为西班牙文，形式很传统，隔行押韵，每行音步整齐。译文大致保持了这个形式，虽然我依据的英文版并不押韵。
3. 现代诗歌，就汉诗而言，散文化倾向越来越严重，所谓散文化，在形式上的表现，就是不押韵，没有音步感。在文字上则表现为句子象拉稀，不凝练。
4. 本译文也是想尝试一下，回归传统的形式，还能不能被大家接受。
附：译文依据的英文版：
I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.
As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul.
You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,
and you are like the word: Melancholy.
I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.
And let me talk to you with your silence
that is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.
I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it's not true.
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辛泊平
发布于2012-02-16 16:13:02
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译的很美，有传统的韵味，也有现代的精神，个人很喜欢！多来
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知不知斋主
发布于2012-02-17 11:58:43
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多谢版主欣赏。此处高手颇多，有空即会来学习。问好！
